OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
