then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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