Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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