Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
this hospital has no fireball
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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