he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
