They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
