i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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