Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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