I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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