I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
