I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
