Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
