I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
