You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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