my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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