Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
