i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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