Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
