U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
