Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
