That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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