you guys were way drunker than both of me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
