She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
