Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
