My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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