So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
