Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
