me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
