I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
