Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
