If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
