I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
