Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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