He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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