hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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