im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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