still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
