I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
