That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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