I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
