Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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