id be glad to
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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