I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
