she woke up with a sticky ear
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
