I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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