Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
