when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
