his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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