Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
