PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
