I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
