if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
